So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
