Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
