Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
