when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
