My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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