She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize