Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
