Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
