Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
