If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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