it wasn't lemon gatorade
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
