finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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