i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The air was thick with penises
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
