And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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