I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
