She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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