I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize