dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
