jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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