I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
