I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize