so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
