He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
