my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
