all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
