I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
