Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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