ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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