you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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