last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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