Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
