she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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