Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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