So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
