I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
MIDGETS
????
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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