I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
