well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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