So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
