I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
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