I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
