Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
