Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
