I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
