Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
