And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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