Just fell off a train. Bad.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
