I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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