I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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