Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
