how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
