im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
