you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
