I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
