Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
