My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize