so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
