drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
