I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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