can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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