I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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