Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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