So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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