The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
