white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
