who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
